Me & J...what else is there 2 say?!?!?!?!

I just dont know about u...about us. One minute we're great n i couldn't b happier, only 20 secs later u make all that go away. yea its true your love is one in a million but sometimes its more than i think im ready for. U and I both know i love u more than i ever thought i could love a person n i know u feel that 2 but are you willing to give up all the nonsense to be with me?!?! Thats a question i ask you almost everyday and ive been asking that since the day we got together n you answer with "I already have!" If this is your answer then y am i left with so many lonely nights, nights without hearin your voice, im forced to go to court days for u for things u say "aren't your fault, im made to sit at home n worry when i will see you again if ever, but y??!?!?! If you say you've given up all this then y do i feel so empty on so many different occassions? Dont get me wrong you have proven to b honest, loyal, compassionate, real, just the picture perfect guy and more than i could have ever imagined or asked for, but this flaw is also more than i could have ever dreamed about as well! Our love can outweigh many things, but im ot sure about how much of this my already tattered and bruised heart can take after all, you've seen the scars n you even said yourself i dont need anymore of them n i dont deserve anymore of em so y do i feel like that was the first thing you ever said to me that wasn't true? Was it true, do you even know if it was true? You call me Mrs. Harris but what does that really entail? Does that mean that im n for an entire lifetime of what I, no we are going through right now? Im not so sure if thats what i want? Since we were little we have always been all about each other i mean ive known you since i was 6 years old n you have changed so much since we were little but was it for the better or in the long run for the worst? The love i have and always will have for you will never change, but you really are puttin me through a lot right now. i know you feel it to but your temper and all the anger that you have built up inside of you, you have to find a way to let that out, cuz if you dont....i dont even want to know what could hapen to us. I would love to do nothing more than to b Mrs. Harris but for the first time in my life it seems like a pipe dream, one of those dreams you have for a night, but when you wake up u realize it will never happen. i want us to always b as close as we always have been, even now you tell me when things happen, but only after you've reacted instead of before! You say i am your best friend, but best friends are supossed 2 talk about everything and i know we talk about almost everything, but seeing what we're going throug now, almost just isn't enough anymore! We fit so picture perfect is what everyone around us says, but behind closed doors im fightin with both myself and you! I dont know whether to b there 4 you because i know ur hurtin so bad, or b mad at u cuz ur hurtin me so bad?!?! I pray for you more than i pray for myself, I pray for us everyday but it just seems like u stopped prayin altogether. You say you need me and i tell you all the time im right here all you have 2 do is trust me n let your gard and your pride down n just let our love outweigh all the bad right now! You refuse to just step out on faith, so far everytime you've fallen i've been there 2 pick you up, so y not this time? I haven't changed and neither has my love! I just hope that we can get us together and fully/truly happy again cuz face it, when ur hurt im hurt!

J...Baby i know you think im bein really hard on you about the lifestyle you live and the things you do but its for 2 reasons, the first bein im scared 2 lose you cuz you have been with me so long im afraid to experience life without u and the second being i know you are a great person and i see your potential and what type of girlfriend would I be if i just let you stay where ur at? I know ur gonna read this which is y i wrote this part directly to you...i just need you to b all that i know you can be and all that i know you want to b I love you n u know that MUAH!

~SiSi